You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
