if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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