Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
