She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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