I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize