I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well I just put wine in my tea
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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