IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
