Cold hands, warm shart.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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