My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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