just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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