i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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