i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
