i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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