i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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