I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
worst night to have a conscience
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
