i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
