I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
