Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
another moral hangover. fuck.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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