Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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