Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
