I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize