i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
