ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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