Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
