her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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