in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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