I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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