well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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