so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
