So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
