did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The adults are the big ones right?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
