I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
