Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
