you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
