They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My feet surprised me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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