how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
