how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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