Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
