Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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