just tell him i said nine months
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
