cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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