Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
