Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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