There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize