Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
