Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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