Where are you?
In a non slutty way
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
