is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
