Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
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Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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