i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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