For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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