Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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