Texts From Last Night

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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

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  (218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus http://tfl.nu/il4r
  Replies (12) Good night (1113) Bad night (1346)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

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  (847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv
  Replies (7) Good night (5891) Bad night (745)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?

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  (404): Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip? http://tfl.nu/mroo
  Replies (35) Good night (1185) Bad night (5028)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  No thats like a top 10

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  (918): is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night? (1-918): No thats like a top 10 http://tfl.nu/uawo
  Replies (35) Good night (6734) Bad night (976)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.

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  (912): Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops. http://tfl.nu/tuda
  Replies (9) Good night (1320) Bad night (3788)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex

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  (302): It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex http://tfl.nu/xtt5
  Replies (20) Good night (3497) Bad night (1342)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.

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  (978): This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke. (1-978): Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting. http://tfl.nu/cqts
  Replies (11) Good night (3617) Bad night (775)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room

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  (719): Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room http://tfl.nu/c34s
  Replies (5) Good night (3380) Bad night (933)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica

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  (540): I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica http://tfl.nu/lleg
  Replies (2) Good night (1958) Bad night (523)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far

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  (785): He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far http://tfl.nu/hear
  Replies (8) Good night (795) Bad night (1290)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"

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  (734): But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed" http://tfl.nu/30bo
  Replies (3) Good night (529) Bad night (319)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  answer my text you professional douchebag

  (914): View more from New York

  and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible

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  (914): answer my text you professional douchebag (914): and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible http://tfl.nu/dtk0
  Replies (0) Good night (798) Bad night (333)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.

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  (940): I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer. http://tfl.nu/cak3
  Replies (3) Good night (798) Bad night (287)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"

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  (251): you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss" http://tfl.nu/0f55
  Replies (1) Good night (521) Bad night (491)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job

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  (240): I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job http://tfl.nu/fm2s
  Replies (3) Good night (277) Bad night (167)

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