He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.