i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
