Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence