dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out