I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.