I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."