I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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