This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
