i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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