i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
