Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
