I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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