Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
