Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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