I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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