Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
