I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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