All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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