but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
