I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
