like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
