I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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