RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You're like the curious george of whores
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
