don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
false alarm. still invincible.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
