Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
