my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
