I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
