I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
