You can't special order awesome
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
