mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just pee around me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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