the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
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Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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