i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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