he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
