Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
