I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
